How to be confident in a relationship or as a single person
This article is all about how to be confident in a relationship.
Whether you’re in a relationship or single, everyone has their ups and downs.
Self-confidence is essential to build any relationship serenely, be it with someone or even yourself.
To lose your self-esteem is a pretty common hardship in life, especially when it comes to love. However, there are a number of ways to build back that confidence, regardless of the state of your love life.
So how does one get back that self-confidence in love? Well, strap in and get ready to find out!
If you’re in a relationship, keep reading. If you’re single, you can skip ahead to the second part of the article.
How to rebuild your confidence when in a relationship
Kudos to you, you’re in a relationship! In the beginning, everything is all new and shiny. Not a cloud in the sky! You and your boo make an ideal pair, and your life is full of exciting projects for the future.
Whenever you think of your SO, your stomach fills with butterflies and you get a stupid smile on your face that annoys your friends.
Then, as time goes by, the occasional clouds darken your blue sky and may burst your bubble a little. But your relationship is made of sterner stuff, and you and bae overcome every obstacle!
You feel loved, you have blind faith in your partner, and yet, you can feel your own self-worth slowly disintegrate… Why is that?
After all, you’re well aware that bae adores you, they prove their feelings for you often enough, so what is troubling your perfect happiness?
Well… you are.
Once the fireworks of the honeymoon period have gone out with a bang, and once you walk into a routine, is the time when you realize your self-confidence is not as strong as you thought.
It doesn’t matter that your partner dutifully reminds you how much they love you, you’re still filled with doubts. How come? Well, because your sense of self-worth doesn’t come from boo… but from yourself!
It is your job to cherish, nutter, and pamper your self-esteem, at all times. Here are different ways to help you build back that self-confidence in your love life.
1 – Work on yourself
Work on yourself. Be aware of your fears and doubts, and of everything you are secretly afraid of.
I’m afraid to lose him. I’m scared she’ll cheat on me. I’ve been betrayed so many times before. What if I’m not good enough? I don’t know how to say ‘no’.
Our fears are often irrational. They tell a lot about ourselves, our past, and our needs.
Maybe you need to be reassured? Perhaps you were abandoned in the past?
Ask yourself: what do I need to feel good? Is my need taken care of in my relationship, or has it been totally ignored?
Finally, and I’ll probably never say it enough times, love yourself. If you only remember one thing from this article to re-build that confidence in love and in yourself, remember this, because everything begins with self-love.
2 – Communicate
The key to a healthy relationship is communication. Always communicate, but more importantly, communicate better.
This will provide you from jumping to conclusions and from all sorts of misunderstandings.
Although new technologies help us communicate faster, they may also represent a new strain on romantic relationships.
An obligation to answer right away and be reachable at all times, the ability to spy on your partner, to stalk or even hack their social media and disregard their privacy.
Such toxic behaviors are being more and more normalized by society, but all they achieve is damage the relationship and impair communication.
Trust is infinitely precious. Spying on your partner will not restore your trust in them, nor will it restore your own self-confidence.
Paranoia will hurt you and your partner both.
In order to avoid that, it is important that your partner reassures you, but also that you build up enough confidence to reassure yourself. Easier said than done, I agree, but you have a powerful tool at your disposal: communication.
You can’t just read your partner’s mind, so why not simply ask them what they’re thinking?
3 – Let go of your demons
We all suffer in love. Our past has hurt us and sometimes hurts us still.
Maybe you were in love with somebody who abandoned you, betrayed you, cheated on you, or who simply stopped loving you.
The world collapsed under your feet, and with it, your shattered self-esteem. And sometimes your past resurfaces even though you wished it wouldn’t, like an unwanted guest who refuses to leave your house.
Your old fears come back, making you scared that history repeats itself, on and on and on.
If your trauma is very much still present, it might be a good place to start to seek the help of a professional.
The hardest part after a break-up is to start trusting people again and to start trusting yourself once more.
Your current relationship is different from your past ones. Your partner is not your ex, and they deserve not to be put in the same category.
You yourself have changed since your previous relationship.
You have evolved, changed, matured, grown, healed, and gone on an incredible journey. Well done!
How to build back your confidence when you’re single
At a time when new dating apps thrive, selling you promises of eternal love and carefree hook-ups, it’s so easy to lose yourself in a jungle of matches and likes, where complete strangers swipe left and right on your profile the way one does their grocery shopping, only to ghost you after the first date.
For those uninterested in online dating and more partial to a more old-fashioned way of meeting people, they must brave trendy clubs and packed-full dancefloors, or muster enough Dutch courage to speak to strangers in a bar.
Pretty tough to stay confident with such odds, and once you’ve lost your self-assurance, it is even harder to get it back.
What to do, then?
1 – Be yourself
If you try to be someone you aren’t, sooner or later, people are going to notice.
Sounds like too much effort, doesn’t it? When it comes to love, genuineness is key.
What’s the point of lying in your Tinder bio, in the vain hopes of getting more matches?
What you risk getting is to further damage your self-worth, wrongly assume your personality or looks aren’t good enough to attract a partner, and end up feeling miserable.
The same can be said for when you meet new people in your daily life: if this person agreed to go on a date with you, then they’re already into you, or at least curious. No need to lie about who you are, you’d only enter a spiral of disingenuousness that would diminish your self-esteem even more.
You are beautiful, just as you are! You need only dare show the rest of the world!
And if you don’t quite believe me, maybe it is high time you worked on yourself?
2 – Don’t force yourself
Do you loathe dating websites? Do you find Tinder dates incredibly boring? And that goes for Bumble and OkCupid, too?
Well then, off with all those dating apps! You’re not likely to meet someone like you in a place you hate, and if you do meet someone, they probably won’t share your values, be it for the night or for a lifetime.
You’re too shy to approach someone at a party?
Just the thought of flirting with a stranger in a pub leaves you crippled with anxiety?
You can’t stand getting hit on by a bunch of booze-smelling idiots on a sticky dancefloor? Looks like clubs and bars aren’t your scenes of choice!
There are many more places to meet new people. Places where you’ll feel more confident, where you can look your best whilst staying natural.
Find a place you LIKE and where you feel like you belong, you’ll have that in common with the people you meet there.
3 – Love yourself
And by that, I don’t mean be arrogant or a show-off. What I mean is that you deserve your own love.
If that seems unfeasible for you, perhaps you can use your loved ones as a source of inspiration to see yourself in a more favorable light.
After all, they love you and you love them, you trust them and have faith in their judgment.
Did you try looking at yourself from their love-filled perspective? It can be very gratifying!
But more than other people, your main source of confidence should always come from within: be your biggest fan, you’ve earned it!
What does that have to do with love, then? Well, everything.
If you are confident, and if you accept yourself just as you are, you will naturally attract more potential partners.
You need to re-build your own self-confidence first before you can feel confident in your love life.
If you’re not a model of self-assurance, there is no need to panic either as you’re not alone, and many people in a relationship lack self-confidence.
But isn’t self-love the best thing you can give yourself?
How to build back confidence in love: love yourself
I think I’ve made it quite clear by now, that the key to finding both happiness and confidence in love is to love yourself.
It isn’t easy at all, it’s a work in progress, and the work of a lifetime, one we must always stay focused on, less our confidence be wounded by our past or by our insecurities.
Working on yourself is essential, be it on your own, or with the help of a professional.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, in order to be happy you need strong foundations: yourself.
Love yourself, accept and cherish yourself, and your relationship, with yourself or with your partner, will thrive.
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