How to keep emotions under control for a better quality of life in 2022

how to keep emotions under control

6 tips on how to keep emotions under control

In this article on how to keep emotions under control, I will summarize the research on emotions so that you can use them to your advantage to achieve your goals.

1 – Pleasant emotions facilitate self-discipline and action

Research in psychology shows that our emotional state influences our decisions and therefore our behavior.

Specifically, Tice & Bratslavsky (2000) show that people who experience pleasant emotions have better self-control and are more motivated to accomplish a given task when compared to individuals who experience unpleasant emotions.

This is one of the reasons why some people decide to procrastinate important activities for tasks that are not important.

This happens because people have difficulty dealing with a negative feeling induced by an unpleasant emotion.

In order to avoid this uncomfortable feeling, the individual looks for a way to get away from the “psychological pain” and may decide to procrastinate, for example.

This same behavior can also be observed with stressed people who try to find a state of mental balance through actions that can be negative for their health such as smoking, drinking too much alcohol, or eating excessively. In the latter case, it may be helpful to hire a nutrition coach.

The important thing to remember is that in all circumstances you have a choice.

In order to manage a negative emotion, you must first recognize it and identify your automatic reaction to it.

Then we can prepare better behavioral alternatives.

In addition, if you are not ready to deal with negative emotions, you can change your emotional state by doing something that helps you to experience a positive emotion.

With a more productive mental state, you will be more easily able to take action and strengthen self-discipline.

2 – Empathy and emotion suppression are effective in times of crisis

Research conducted by Thiel, Griffith & Connelly (2015) shows that in times of crisis leaders who show empathy for their collaborators while asking them to temporarily suppress unpleasant emotions are more effective than others who combine reevaluation of a situation with empathy.

A good leader is therefore a person who is able to put himself in the shoes of his team members because otherwise he will simply be considered as a tyrant by his teams.

On the other hand, when faced with an imminent difficulty, a leader must show the way by demonstrating that he or she is able to control his or her emotions.

By helping his teams to suppress unpleasant emotions in the short term, they need to re-direct the group’s energies towards a solution.

On the other hand, after having effectively managed the crisis, the leader will also have to help his colleagues to express and feel their emotions within the group and during individual meetings.

3 – Self-awareness is essential for good emotional management

Rahim & al (2002) show that self-awareness is positively associated with self-regulation, empathy, and social skills; self-regulation is positively associated with empathy and social skills; empathy and social skills are positively associated with motivation; which, in turn, is positively associated with problem-solving strategy and negatively associated with negotiation strategy.

All these dimensions are dimensions of emotional intelligence that are not linked to personality and are therefore dimensions that can be found in all individuals.

Let’s see in more detail the definition of these 5 dimensions of emotional intelligence.

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is associated with the ability to be aware of one’s emotions, moods, impulses, and reasons. It also includes awareness of the effects of one’s feelings on others.

Self-regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to control one’s own emotions and impulses, remain calm in potentially explosive situations and maintain one’s composure regardless of the situation.

Motivation

Motivation is the ability to stay focused on goals despite setbacks, to act on the hope of success rather than on the fear of failure, to delay gratification, and to accept change to achieve goals.

Empathy

Empathy refers to a person’s ability to understand the feelings conveyed by verbal and non-verbal messages, to provide emotional support to people in times of need, and to understand the connections between the emotions and behavior of others.

Social skills

Social skills are associated with a person’s ability to deal with problems without putting down those who work with him or her, to not let one’s own or others’ negative feelings inhibit collaboration, and to handle emotional conflicts with tact and diplomacy.

Awareness of our emotions, therefore, remains the starting point for good management of our emotions and for collaborating effectively with others both at work and in our professional lives.

Learning to feel our emotions and to understand their motivation and their effect on us as well as on the people who interact with us is essential to use emotions as leverage for motivation and success at the collective level.

If instead of recognizing an emotion, we decide to repress it, we will reinforce it further. Such an emotion does not go away and can sooner or later compromise our relationships with others and our well-being.

In summary, becoming attentive to our emotions, recognizing them, and giving them the right importance is essential for our well-being and our professional and personal relationships.

4 – The meaning you give to the events determines your experience

Most of the time, people suffer because of a misinterpretation of the situations they face.

Rolston & Lloyd-Richardson (2017) state that it is not the emotion that gets people into trouble but that it is the interpretation of that emotion that tends to make emotions rise and the feeling of not being able to tolerate them.

According to these authors, when we face a given situation that is likely to trigger an emotion, our interpretation of the situation influences our thoughts, the emotions we feel, the actions we decide to take, and our physiological reactions.

If we are able to spend a little more time in the interpretation phase of a given situation, we have a better chance to control our emotions and behaviors.

The problem is that over time we make decisions based on our own beliefs and not on an objective assessment of the situation.

Stress is also another element that can negatively impact our ability to evaluate a situation objectively.

If you need to better manage your stress, I suggest you read my article in which I show you natural methods to relieve stress quickly.

According to these researchers, an effective way to manage emotions is to become aware of our thoughts when we start to experience an unpleasant emotion.

By becoming aware of what you are thinking and questioning the appropriateness of your thoughts, you will be able to understand that the meaning you have given to the situation is not helping you manage your emotions.

If you are able to give a different meaning to what has happened, you will generate new thoughts that will produce new decisions and actions and therefore new results.

5 – Focus on positive reappraisal and refocusing on planning

Balzarotti & al. (2014) show that positive reappraisal and refocusing on planning are positively related to subjective and psychological well-being. Rumination, catastrophizing, and self-blame are related to lower well-being, while positive refocusing, perspective-taking, and acceptance show few significant associations.

This means that you first need to identify your attitude towards professional or personal situations that may negatively influence your mental balance.

If you regularly focus on the negative consequences of an event or spend too much time thinking about what you cannot control, you will experience more unpleasant emotions and this will have a negative effect on your well-being, your health, and your ability to cope with the difficulties you will encounter.

If this is your usual way of reacting, don’t criticize yourself and be kind to yourself.

Just be aware of your behavior. Then, begin to positively reinterpret a given situation by trying to find at least one advantage for yourself.

If possible, write down a new scenario in which at least one pleasant event could occur in your life and schedule at least one specific action to take in the next 24 hours.

Doing so will enable you to change your emotional state and your perception. You will also feel a greater sense of control over your life and you will become more motivated to take action.

6 – Improve your leadership by changing your cognitions

Torrence & Connelly (2019) show that situation modification and cognitive reappraisal are positively related to leadership performance, while suppression is negatively related to performance.

If you tend to deny your emotions, you will not be able to feel good and perform well in the long run.

When you try to push an emotion away, it keeps growing, and the more you push it away from you, the stronger and more difficult it becomes to manage.

If you are a manager or leader and if you manage a team, you can improve your leadership by acting on your cognitions or beliefs.

The goal of this process is to change the meaning you give to a situation.

If you change the meaning that you give to a situation, as you have seen before, you change your emotions.

Moreover, you can act on a situation, without directly acting on the emotion you feel, by changing contextual factors related to the situation.

In summary, the combination of a coping strategy focused on managing emotions, together with an active coping strategy that seeks to directly change the situation, seems to be the most suitable to improve leadership skills.

If you don’t know how to change a belief, I recommend that you read my article in which I explain how to overcome a limiting belief.

Conclusion on how to better manage your emotions

In this article, I shared with you different strategies based on psychological research to better deal with emotions in your professional and personal life.

To take advantage of the expertise of a life transition coach write to us using our contact form, call us at +33 6 69 46 03 79 or contact us on WhatsApp at +33 6 69 46 03 79.

If you are ready to take action, check out our life coaching packages:

This article is also available in other languages

Français Gestion des émotions : la clé d’une meilleure vie pro et perso

ItalianoGestione delle emozioni: 6 tecniche su come gestire le emozioni

Leave a Comment